


why does it hurts so badly ?

by nosniam



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bucket List, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 22:09:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosniam/pseuds/nosniam
Summary: Changbin opened the drawer from under Felix’s bed. Between old bed sheets , he found a folded paper. His heart missed a beat. Should he open it ? Is it what Felix would have wanted ?“Felix doesn’t want anything anymore” , Changbin thought .aka : Changbin is cleaning Felix's room after his death and finds Lix's bucket list





	why does it hurts so badly ?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a OS i found while reading through my drafts because i had no wifi . I'm pretty happy with it as it is , but it's super short , and i don't think it is necessary to find a whole backstory to it ? I was just having fun with a prompt generator when i wrote it and this is probably tmy favorite result so yea
> 
> (( also english isn't my first language so some sentences might sound weird , i'm sorry ))

Changbin entered the room. Everything was quiet. It almost felt like he just left, like he would come back in a few hours, bringing donuts and coke . But he will never come back , and Changbin couldn’t accept it.

He took one of the cardboard boxes and started packing. Chan and Jisung offered their help, but Changbin felt that he needed to do it by himself. He needed to see the reality as it was : Felix passed away , and nothing will ever change that.

He felt like a grave robber. He knew that Felix wanted to give away all of his things to charity , and Changbin respected that. He would have had to do it at some point , anyway .

Changbin opened the drawer from under Felix’s bed. Between old bed sheets , he found a folded paper. His heart missed a beat. Should he open it ? Is it what Felix would have wanted ?  
“Felix doesn’t want anything anymore” , Changbin thought . “He’s dead .”

Changbin carefully unfolded the paper, and his heart sank.

Felix’s bucket list : all the dumb stuff I wanna do before I die !

Debut with the team  
stand on the MAMA stage for aoty  
get my hair in all the colors possibly imaginable   
go on a roadtrip in australia with the team ( and see bin fight with kangaroos )  
own a pet  
marry Changbin uwu

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he smiled. Felix did almost everything on this list .

They debuted with their team – Stray Kids . It seemed like such a long time ago . Changbin felt like he would always remember the day of their debut showcase , when Felix “officially” asked him out , backstage . Since then , they had a lot of success , and Felix’s death affected all of their fans . The group has been on hiatus since Felix was diagnosed – it has been 6 months already . Changbin felt like they had to come back on stage , because if there was something he was sure Felix would have wanted , it was for all of them to keep making music and having fun on stage , even without him .”

“stand on the MAMA stage for Artist of the Year” - they did that , too . Fate meant it to be their last award since the hiatus . Changbin could remember Felix going through twitter , seeing all of their fans being worried about voting , he remembered him posting a picture on instagram to tell them not to worry too much , because he knew they were working hard , and should prioritize school and health . Felix was always so close to the fans , always so caring , and when the news of his death was released , all the fandom was in deep chock - even if they all saw it coming .

“Get my hair done in all the colors possibly imaginable” - Felix did this as well . He would litteraly change his hair color every month , giving their hair stylist nightmares . Chan often joked about how he was getting bald after every bleach ( but nobody took him seriously , because he bleached his own hair every two weeks as well ) .

“ go on a roadtrip in australia with the team”   
This was probably the most painful one . They went to australia a year ago , when they were all healthy and happy . Felix was so excited to show everyone where he lived , the highschool he went to , his former dance studio . They even went to a zoo , and Changbin will never forget his disappointed face when he learned that no , the zookeeper were not going to throw Changbin with the kangaroos just for a “ good old fight”.   
These were such happy memories . Changbin still had all the photos they took on his phone . It was the last time Felix was totally healthy and happy – a few weeks after they came back to Korea , he started coughing and feeling his lungs slowly weakening . 

“Own a pet” Changbin smiled at this one . They adopted a dog a few months after they officially came out as a couple , and everybody was calling the poor puppy their child . As of today , their dog was named “Dog” . Changbing found the name , Felix wanted to call him “Dab” but all of their team strongly opposed , for the dog’s sake . Dog was being dog-sitted by Jeongin , because Changbin didn’t felt ready to play with him again , to hear him yelping at the door , waiting for his second dad to come back .

The last one of the list broke Changbin’s heart .

“Marry Changbin” . He smiled at the crossed “uwu” .  
He proposed to Felix only two months ago . He knew Felix was doomed , but he also knew he always dreamed of a huge wedding , à la Taeyang , inviting all of their friends and family and “throwing our love at people’s faces” . He proposed thinking that they would be able to organized the biggest – and gayest – wedding South Korea has ever seen , and they were so close to succeed . But everything went way too fast , Felix’s condition worsened suddenly , and in the blink of an eye , the huge marriage turned into a funeral.

Changbin held the old folded paper to his heart as he cried . It was so hard . He knew , he knew that Felix was going to die , but there was nothing he could do , and now he was left alone , with their dog and his stupid name , with this clean bedroom that still smelt just like him , with all these memories he wished he could erase .


End file.
